Sweetie Belle in Wonderland
by Gentleman Y
Summary: Join Sweetie Belle as she enters a world beyond imagination, where anything is possible. (A witty, whimsical and wild version of the classic tale by Lewis Carroll.)
1. Stage Fright

Sweetie Belle felt anxious as she sat in front of the mirror in her bedroom while her sister, Rarity, brushed her hair. She stared into the looking glass, blinking only one or twice, thinking back to the nightmare she'd had the night before.

In the dream, she was standing, surrounded by darkness, with a single spotlight shining down on her, while a second light shined upon a giant wooden metronome. The pendulum swung back and forth, counting the beats as Sweetie Belle sang. And as she sang, she felt herself sinking further and further into the darkness until she finally fell into the abyss.

Sweetie Belle had woken up panting, thankful it had only been a dream. And even more thankful that it wasn't as bad as some of the other nightmares she'd had.

When Rarity noticed the frightened expression on her sister's face, she asked, "Sweetie Belle, what's the matter? You look white as a sheet."

"I can't do it, Rarity," Sweetie Belle said timidly.

"They don't expect you to sing until after tea," Rarity said. "You've got another half an hour to practice."

"I can't do it," Sweetie Belle repeated. "I can't sing."

"It's just stage fright. It's perfectly natural. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'll be right there with you,"

Sweetie Belle stood up and defiantly walked across the room.

"You can't make me sing. I won't. I won't!"

As she headed for the door, their mother, Cookie Crumbles entered.

"Everyone's here!" she said. "Have you seen my-"

"Mommy, please don't make me sing," said Sweetie Belle.

"She's a little nervous, Mother," Rarity told her.

"Sweetie Belle, you promised me and your father," Cookie Crumbles said. "Everyone's been looking forward to it for weeks. Of course, if you really don't want to your father and I will understand, though we'll be very disappointed."

"I don't want to disappoint you and daddy," said Sweetie Belle.

"Don't worry, darling," she told her daughter. "I'm sure you'll make us all very proud."

She went back downstairs with Rarity close behind.

"And remember, Sweetie Belle," Rarity added, "whatever happens, the show must go on."

Sweetie Belle took a seat on the bed and looked down at Rarity's pet cat, who was lying on a red velvet pillow, curled up in a ball, trying to nap.

"Oh, what am I going to do, Opalescence?" she asked.

Opalescence just purred in reply.


	2. Down the Rabbit Hole

Outside, a garden party was in full swing. Rarity's parents were mixing and mingling with the parents of their daughters' friends while the Changelings helped Mr. and Mrs. Cake serve the food.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were petting and scratching Winona, who was enjoying the treatment she was getting. Doc Time Turner was trying to teach Derpy Hooves how to play chess (with mixed results) while Lyra Heartstrings, Sweetie Drops/Bon Bon, Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch/DJ Pon-3 played a game of Go Fish.

Fluttershy and Discord dined on cucumber sandwiches while Rainbow Dash politely refused to try a pie that Chiffon Swirl (Mrs. Cake) had offered her. Lady Ember was chatting with Gabriella "Gabby" Griffon, and Spike and King Thorax were flirting with Applejack and Sunset Shimmer respectively.

Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich were enjoying their cake while Princess Twilight Sparkle was playing dolls with her niece, Princess Flurry Heart. And while Starlight Glimmer was enjoying a cup of peppermint tea with Trixie and Sunburst, Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadence were playing a game of doubles croquet with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna (which Celestia and Luna won).

Sweetie Belle creaked open the door and peeked out at the multitude of guests.

"How can they expect me to sing in front of all these people?" she thought to herself.

She quickly shut the door and ran out the back. She ran and ran until she reached the edge of Sweet Apple Acres.

Then she stopped and sat under a tree.

"I'll go back later when it's all over," she told herself.

Just then, an apple broke free of one of the branches.

But instead of falling from the tree, it seemed to float down until it stopped in midair, hovering in front of Sweetie Belle's face.

While this was happening, Sweetie Belle began to feel sleepy. The long run, coupled with the hot day, had tired her out. Then suddenly, Fluttershy's pet white rabbit, Angel Bunny, ran close by her.

There was nothing very remarkable about Angel, at least not at first glance when Sweetie Belle asked herself what he was doing there and without his owner.

So, she didn't think very much about it.

But when she saw him _take a silver watch out of his waistcoat pocket,_ looked at it, and then say to himself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I'll be so late!", Sweetie Belle got to her feet and ran across the field after him, and just in time to see him hop across a brook, into the forest, and pop down a rabbit hole under a tree.

Sweetie Belle went down after him, never once considering how she was going to get out again.

The rabbit hole when straight like a tunnel for a while, then dropped down so suddenly that Sweetie Belle didn't have a moment to think about stopping before she found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep well.

Sweetie Belle's dress caught her midfall like a parachute and she floated gently down. She had plenty of time to look around as she was going down, and to wonder what was going to happen next.

First, she tried to look down and see what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything. Then she looked at the sides and saw that they were filled with cupboards and lamps, bookshelves, a rocking chair, clocks and mirrors. And here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs.

"Well, I won't be afraid of falling down the stairs after this," she thought. "I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to? I have no idea what Latitude and Longitude are, but they're grand words."

Down, down, down she went. Would the fall ever end?

She began to think that she might fall right through the center of the Earth. Then suddenly, she landed upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves in another long passage. And she saw Angel Bunny hurry down it.

"Oh, my paws and whiskers, look how late it's getting!" he said as he ran through a door at the end of the corridor.

Sweetie Belle jumped to her feet and continued to chase after him.

"Perhaps I _did_ fall through the Earth and came out the other side. I shall have to ask somebody the name of the country. 'Please, Ma'am, is this Zanzebra or Yakyakistan?'"

Sweetie Belle was right behind Angel when he'd ran down the long, low tunnel, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from the roof.

"That's strange," she said.

The hallway seemed to get lower and lower as she got closer to the door. She opened the door at the end of the passage and found herself in a round hall, full of doors. She tried them all, but they were all locked.

"Now that I'm in, how do I get out?" she wondered.

She spotted a little table, made of solid glass, in the middle of the room. There was a tiny key upon it and Sweetie Belle thought that it must belong to one of the doors in the hall. But which one?

Suddenly, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed the first time around and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high. She tried the little key in the lock and, to her delight, it fit perfectly.

Sweetie Belle opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rathole. She knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden she had ever seen, full of bright flowers and cool fountains. But alas, she could not even get her head through the doorway.

"If only I were smaller," she said out loud.

She closed the door and turned back to the table, half hoping to find another key on it. Instead, she saw a little glass bottle and tied around the neck of it was a paper label with the words "DRINK ME" beautifully printed on it in large letters.

"Okay. That _wasn't_ there before," she thought as she picked up the bottle and started looking it over. "I wonder if it's alright to drink. If you drink much from a bottle with a warning label on it, it's bound to disagree with you sooner or later. This bottle's not marked."

Sweetie Belle ventured a taste and, finding it very nice (in fact, it had a mixed flavor of cherry tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffy and hot buttered toast), finished it off, and she shrank to only ten inches high.

Her face brightened at the thought that she was now the right size to go through the little door and into that lovely garden.

But then she remembered that she had left the little key on the table, and very far out of reach.

She tried to climb up one of the table legs, but it was too slippery. And when she tired herself out from trying, she sat down and looked up at the key (she could see it quite clearly through the glass).

"Oh, great. Now what?"


	3. The Pool of Tears

Sweetie Belle stood up and saw that she had been sitting on a little glass box. It opened and she found a series of very small cookies within, with the words "EAT ME" beautifully marked in chocolate chips.

"Curiouser and curiouser," she thought.

She took one of the cookies from the box and thought to herself again.

"If it makes me grow taller, then I can reach the key... And if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door. Either way, I'll get into the garden,"

And she didn't care which happened.

So, she took a bite and she began to grow.

Eventually, she was over nine feet high. She grew so rapidly that her head struck against the ceiling of the room, and when she looked down at her feet, they seemed almost out of sight.

"I'm stuck!" she cried. "I'm stuck! What am I supposed to do?"

Suddenly, she heard the pattering of little feet in the distance.

It was Angel Bunny, splendidly dressed and carrying a pair of white kid-gloves and a fan.

He came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to himself.

"Oh! The Princess will be absolutely savage if I've kept her waiting!"

Sweetie Belle, feeling so desperate that she was ready to ask for help from anyone, spoke in a low, timid voice.

"Please, Angel, can you help me?"

Angel turned around slowly, looked up at her and shrieked, dropping the white kid-gloves and the fan. Then, Sweetie Belle began to shed gallons of tears, until there was a large pool at her feet, four inches deep.

"Are you crying?" Angel asked.

"Yes!"

"Well, fortunately, I speak both 'crying' and 'sobbing' fluently," he said as he hopped from one side to the other, dodging Sweetie Belle's tears. "But I can't stay. I'm late!"

He opened one of the doors and scurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.

"Yesterday, everything was normal," Sweetie Belle thought, her eyes still full of tears.

She looked down at her hands and was surprised to see that she was wearing Angel Bunny's white kid-gloves and holding the fan.

And she was shrinking again.

"I wonder what's making me grow smaller," she said. "It must be this fan."

Indeed, the cause of her shrinking was the fan, and she hastily dropped it and removed the gloves, just in time to save herself from shrinking away altogether as she went under the water. And when she came up for air, she found herself in an old sewer tunnel, and wishing she hadn't cried so much.

Just then, she heard something splashing about in the water a little way off, and she saw that it was a man who looked an awful lot like someone she knew back home.

"Dr. Hooves!" she cried.

The man swam as hard as he could, making quite a commotion in the tunnel as he went.

"Dr. Hooves... Dr. Hooves!" she called softly after him.

When the man heard her, he turned around slowly and looked at her rather inquisitively. His face was quite pale.

"How did you know my name, young lady?" he said in a low, soothing, and compassionate voice.

"I'm sorry. You looked like someone I know,"

"I'm late. Come with me. I have a very important lecture to deliver. And everyone will be there!"


	4. Dr Hooves and the Caucus Race

The Doctor helped Sweetie Belle out of the water and led her through the tunnels and into a crowded library, filled with books. And as they walked, he told her his brief history.

"My lectures have to be seen and heard to be depreciated," he told her. "Of course, they divide people. Last time, the whole audience hissed. Hissed! All except one man. He was applauding the hissing!"

Soon, the library became filled with several people.

There was Lyra Heartstrings, Sweetie "Bon Bon" Drops, DJ-Pon3/Vinyl Scratch, and Octavia Melody. They were indeed an odd-looking party as they assembled in the library. All ladies with various hairstyles and colorful clothes, with their hair clinging close to their heads, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.

"A most depressing venue," the Doctor told Sweetie Belle. "The distemper's coming off at the knees. Still the audience looks lively enough. That's the main thing. I mean they're not dead. Not yet. What's your name, if it isn't a rude question?"

"Sweetie Belle," she said.

At last, the Doctor (who seemed to be a person of authority among them) called out, "Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'll soon make you dry enough. My lecture is the driest thing even _I've_ ever heard!"

They all sat down in a large ring, with the Doctor in the middle.

"Settle down everybody, whilst I clear my throat."

Sweetie Belle kept her eyes fixed upon the Doctor.

"Get on with it!" Lyra shouted.

"Oh, well, now then... Princess Platinum, the daughter of King Bullion-" the Doctor began.

"Ugh! Ooooh..." Octavia said with a shiver.

"Did you speak?" the Doctor asked, frowning, but very politely.

"I don't think so," said Octavia hastily.

The Doctor went on.

"Chancellor Puddinghead and Commander Hurricane, the leaders of the Unicorn, Earth Pony and Pegasus tribes, declared war upon each other. But Clover the Clever, the apprentice of Star Swirl the Bearded, found it advisable to go with Platinum to meet Puddinghead and Hurricane and offer them a chance for peace—How are you getting on now, my dear?" he asked Sweetie Belle.

"I'm as wet as ever," she said in a melancholy tone. "It doesn't seem to dry me at all."

"Are you sure?" asked Sweetie Drops.

"I don't like the sound of it," said the Doctor.

"None of us do," said Lyra, rising to her feet. "In which case, I move that the meeting adjourn!"

"Hear, hear!" Octavia and Sweetie Drops cried.

"And we immediately, if not sooner, adopt more energetic remedies to facilitate a cure for wetness, per se," Lyra added.

"Speak English!" said Octavia.

"What I was going to say, ipso facto," said Lyra in an offended tone, "was, that the best thing to get us dry would be... a Caucus-race!"

"What's a Caucus-race?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"A Caucus-race! A Caucus-race!" Sweetie Drops cried excitedly. "Now you're talking!"

"Yes, I am talking," said Sweetie Belle. "Now what's a Caucus-race?"

"The best way to explain a Caucus-race is to do it," said the Doctor.

Everyone, except Sweetie Belle and the Doctor, formed a line and crouched down into starting positions.

"On your marks!" the Doctor said. "Get set! Go!"

Then the four women began running whenever, wherever, and however they liked, so it was not easy to tell who was winning. The Doctor held his hands up to his eyes as if he were looking through binoculars.

"It's a blistering race!" he commentated. "An extraordinary display of skill, determination and... sheer stupidity!"

Up and down the halls, they all ran. Through, around and in between the bookcases, tripping each other up.

"They're all cheating!" Sweetie Belle said.

"That's a Caucus-race!" the Doctor replied.

Soon, they all crowded around the Doctor, panting.

"Who's won?" Octavia asked. "Who's won?"

" _Everyone_ has won!" Lyra declared. "And we must all have prizes!"

"Who's going to _give_ the prizes?" asked Sweetie Drops.

"Why, Sweetie Belle is, of course," Lyra said.

The whole party crowded around her and each held out a hand.

Sweetie Belle had no idea what to do, and in desperation she put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a silver box of comfits (luckily her tears hadn't gotten into it), and handed them around. There was exactly one piece for each person.

"I think it's time we were all in bed with a cup of hot chocolate," Sweetie Drops said.

"Indubitably," Lyra agreed.

"Wait!" Sweetie Belle called after them. "Where are you all going?"

Suddenly, she heard the pattering of little footsteps in the distance, and she looked up, there was Angel Bunny.


	5. Angel Bunny's House

Angel was anxiously running about and muttering to himself.

"Oh, the Princess! Oh, the Princess! Oh, my dear paws! Oh, my fur and whiskers! She'll have me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets!"

"What have you lost?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"A pair of white-kid gloves and a fan," he said as he continued hunting around for them.

"I'll help you find them," she replied.

Finally, Angel looked up at her and said in an angry tone, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm trying to get into the beautiful garden," she answered.

"Run home this moment, and fetch me another pair of gloves and a fan! Quick! Now!"

"He's treating me as if I was his housemaid," Sweetie Belle said to herself as she walked off in the direction he pointed.

She spotted a book on the floor in front of her and read the title.

 _Angel Bunny's House._

"As good a place to start as any," she thought as she opened the book and a neat little cottage popped up from the pages.

She walked through the gate of the white picket fence and went in the front door without knocking.

It was a tidy little room with a table by the window, and on it three pairs of tiny white kid-gloves and a fan.

"He lives very well for a rabbit," she thought. "Some of these things must be very expensive, maybe even priceless."

She reached for a pair of the gloves when her eyes fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking-glass.

"It doesn't say 'DRINK ME' like the other bottle," she thought, noticing the lack of a label.

Nevertheless, she uncorked it and put it to her lips.

"I'm sure it will make something interesting happen," she thought. "I just hope it makes me grow large again."

It did indeed so, and sooner than she had expected. After taking a single sip and hastily putting the bottle down, she found her head pressing against the ceiling and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken.

She kept growing and growing until she had to lie down on the floor with one elbow against the door, her other arm out the window, and one foot up the chimney.

"Oh, great!" she said to herself. " _Now what?_ "

Luckily for her, she grew no larger. Still, she was very uncomfortable.

She was starting to wish she hadn't followed Angel down that rabbit hole, when suddenly, she heard a voice outside the front door.

It was Angel Bunny (she could tell by the pattering of his feet) and he was trying to open the door. But, as the door opened inward, Sweetie Belle's elbow was pressed hard against it.

"It's stuck! Hm. I'll try the back window," she heard him say to himself.

A moment later, Sweetie Belle heard a little shriek, a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that Angel had fallen into a cucumber-frame. Or something like that.

"Applejack!" Angel cried out in an angry voice. "Applejack!"

"Applejack?" Sweetie Belle thought. "She's here?"

"I'm here!" she heard a familiar voice. "I'm here! I was out front digging for apples!"

"What? Oh, not now, Applejack. Just help me out of this!" said Angel Bunny angrily.

"All right, come on,"

(Sounds of more broken glass.)

"Now, that won't do the vegetables any good," she told Angel Bunny.

"Why are we growing cucumbers, Applejack?"

"Because they're _green,_ "

"I thought so. Now tell me, Applejack, what's _that_ in the window?"

"That's an arm, yer worship!"

"An arm? Whoever saw an arm that size? Why, it fills the whole window!"

"Sure, it does, but it's still an arm,"

"Well, it's got no business there. Remove it!"

"Who, me?"

"Yes, you! Are you a coward?"

"Oh, no! I'm as brave as a lioness!"

"There's nothing to be afraid of,"

"Well, then you do it!"

"I'm too rich! I can't afford to die!"

Sweetie Belle slammed her palm against the ground.

There was another shriek (from Angel Bunny) followed by more sounds of broken glass.

"Would somebody _please_ help me?" she asked. "I'm stuck!"

She slammed her fist against the ground and even more glass broke. It was a _long_ cucumber frame.

"Why won't anyone help me?" she cried. "I can't do it by myself!"

"Why do you keep falling like that, your honor?" Applejack asked.

"I like it!" Angel answered angrily. "Oh, help me up!"

"Here, take my right hand," she said, offering him her _left_ hand before letting go. "No that - that's my right hand! Derpy!"

"Hello?"

"You're needed, Sugarcube,"

"What's the matter?"

"Angel's got a terrible case of the falls,"

"Get a ladder!" Angel told Derpy.

"Now, be careful with that ladder, Derpy," Applejack said. "You don't want to-!"

Too late. Derpy accidently hit Angel with the ladder and knocked him back into the cucumber-frame.

"Oh! Sorry, sir," she said.

Applejack helped Angel up for the fifth time, and Angel said, "Put the ladder up against the house! Yes, that's good. Now, climb up!"

"What for?" Applejack asked.

"You've got to get on the roof, slide down the chimney, and see who's in the house,"

"Why?"

"Because I can't get in through the door or windows!"

"That's a good idea," Applejack admitted, "but I've got a bad back for chimneys. I get it from my mother's side. Pears have always had terrible backs for chimneys."

"Fine! You do it, Derpy!" Angel said, pointing at her.

"Who, me?"

"Yes, you!"

"Oh, alright then,"

"Quick. Hurry!"

Sweetie Belle looked up at the ceiling and could see clouds of dust fall from where Derpy was stepping, climbing up the roof.

"Now, be careful Derpy!" Applejack called from below. "There's a loose slate up there somewhere!"

Derpy took another step and a slate came loose and fell right onto Angel Bunny, knocking him back into the cucumber-frame. Again.

"Good girl! You found it!" Applejack called.

Derpy kept on climbing and another slate came loose and hit Angel Bunny in the head.

"Applejack, tell her to climb down the chimney!" he said.

Another slate came loose and hit Angel Bunny.

"Derpy!" Applejack shouted. "Climb down the chimney!"

"Ow!" Angel Bunny exclaimed as another slate hit him.

Sweetie Belle saw soot fall down the chimney and land on her foot.

"Not down the chimney!" she shouted. "Don't try it!"

Sweetie Belle drew her foot as far down as she could, and waited until she heard someone slide down the chimney. Then she gave a sharp kick and waited to see what would happen next.

The next thing she heard was Applejack say, "There goes Derpy!"

Then the crashing of more glass. But not from the cucumber-frame. From the nearby greenhouse.

"Derpy!" Applejack cried. "Derpy! What happened?"

"Hold up her head!" Angel Bunny said. "Here's cider."

"Oh, thanks Angel," Applejack said as she took the bottle from Angel and took a healthy swig.

"Not for you!" he exclaimed.

"Sorry," she replied. "Purely medicinal."

"What happened, Derpy?" Angel asked.

"Well, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and then up I goes like a sky-rocket!"

"There's nothing for it!" Angel Bunny shouted. "We must burn down the house!"

"Oh no, you don't!" Sweetie Belle called out as loud as she could. "You're not burning down this house while I'm inside."

There was an instance of dead silence, and then she heard Angel Bunny say, "A barrowful should do!"

"A barrowful of what?" Sweetie Belle thought.

She didn't have long to think because Applejack called out, "Ready? Aim. Fire!" and the next moment a shower of pebbles came rattling in at the window and some of them hit Sweetie Belle in the face.

"Stop it!" she shouted. "You'd better not do that again!"

Sweetie Belle looked down at the pebbles as they lay on the floor and was surprised when they turned into soft little sponge cakes.

She swallowed one of the cakes and was delighted to find that she began shrinking again. She became small enough that she could creep under the door.

She ran out of the house and found herself in a thick wood.

"Now, let's see if I can find that lovely garden," she thought. "No one will think of looking for me there."

It was an excellent plan, she thought, and very simple. The only difficulty was that she had no idea of how to go about it.

"Everything seems different from down here," she thought as she peered around at the flowers and blades of grass. "I have to keep looking up. I'm sure Breezies must get very bad neck strain. It's enough to make a _cat_ bark. When I used to read fairytales, I never thought I would end up in the middle of one. Now that I think about it, I feel as if I've read _this_ one before..."

While she had been thinking, a sharp little bark just over her head made her look up in a great hurry.

It was Applejack's dog, Winona, and she was looking down at Sweetie Belle with large round eyes.

Sweetie Belle, thinking Winona might be hungry, ran off in a fright and ducked into the broken remains of an upturned flower pot. The moment she appeared on the other side, Winona made a rush at her. Thinking fast, she picked up a little bit of a stick and held it out to Winona. Winona jumped into the air and started rushing at the stick. Then Sweetie Belle threw the stick with all her strength and Winona took off after it.

This seemed to Sweetie Belle like a good opportunity to escape, so she set off at once, and she ran until she was out of breath, and Winona's barking sounded quite faint in the distance.

"And yet, what a dear little dog she is," said Sweetie Belle as she leaned against a mushroom to rest.

Sweetie Belle peeped over the edge of the mushroom and her eyes met those of a large white caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and not taking the slightest notice of her.


	6. Advice from Captain Caterpillar

Sweetie Belle looked in silence at the Caterpillar for some time.

"Sir. Sir, who do I have the honor of addressing?"

The Caterpillar puffed away without speaking for a few more moments, but at last he unfolded his arms, took the hookah out of his mouth, and answered her.

"Captain Shining Caterpillar, ribbon and bar, late of Her Majesty's Royal Guard, a true son of Equestria and its flag what..." He looked at her and added in a languid, sleepy tone, "Who are you?"

Sweetie Belle didn't think that was an encouraging opening for a conversation.

"I—I don't know," she replied, rather shyly.

"If you don't know who you are, then I don't know who you are," said the Caterpillar sternly as he went back to his hookah.

"I know who I was this morning, but I think I have changed several times since then,"

"What do you mean by that?" asked the Caterpillar.

"I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly," Sweetie Belle replied, very politely, "for I can't understand it myself."

"Explain yourself or you'll find yourself on a charge!"

"Well, I can't explain myself, Captain, because I'm not myself. Do you see?"

"No, I do not see,"

"Everyone should be the right size, shouldn't they? But I've been so many different sizes in one day it's very confusing,"

"Why?"

"Well, if you were to change, say, into a butterfly, you'd find it quite strange, wouldn't you?"

"Not a bit of it. Nothing's strange to me,"

"Well, perhaps _your_ feelings may be different," said Sweetie Belle, "all I know is, it would feel very strange to _me._ "

"You? Who are you?"

"I don't think you should talk to me like that," she said, feeling a little irritated at his remarks.

"Like what?"

"In short sentences,"

"Oh, ah, a-"

"All I know is that it's very disturbing, sometimes I start crying,"

"Why?"

"Because I don't remember things like I used to and I can't keep the same size for ten minutes together,"

"That's a rum-do," the Caterpillar said. "I'd keep an eye on it if I were you. Can't remember what things, exactly?"

"Songs and poems," she said in a very melancholy voice.

"Whoa, that's worse than having Swamp Fever. Umm, recite _'You Are Young, Princess Celestia,'_ " said the Caterpillar. "And try to keep in tune."

Sweetie Belle stood up and crossed her hands in front of herself and began to repeat it, but the words came out all different.

 _"You are young, Princess Celestia," the old man said._

 _"And your skin has become very white;_

 _And yet you incessantly stand on your head._

 _Do you think, at your age, this is right?"_

"I don't know if you were trying for the 'Paganini Variations' for voice and trumpet, but you missed five verses," the Caterpillar said.

"Some of the words did get a little altered," she admitted timidly.

"Young lady, it was wrong from beginning to end, and you can't get more wrong than that!"

"I'm afraid that's what always happens when I have to perform," she said sadly.

"You mustn't be afraid," Captain Caterpillar told her. "That's worse than not remembering."

There was silence for some seconds, then the Caterpillar spoke again.

"What size do you want to be?" he asked.

"I don't care about the size, just so long as I'm not changing all the time," she huffed as she turned away, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"There you go again, losing your temper. It's against the Queen's regulations! Do you like your size right now?"

"I would like to be a little taller," she admitted. "This is a terrible height to be."

"Terrible?!" the Caterpillar shouted as he dropped the hookah and stretched out his arms.

And as it did, a pair of wings sprouted out.

"One side will make you taller, the other side will make you shorter," he told her.

"One side of what-?"

She had turned around to face him again and saw that he had transformed into a handsome butterfly.

"The mushroom. That's what it's there for. Everything has a purpose. Even here,"

"Thank you, Captain,"

The Captain laughed, then flapped his new wings, and in another moment, he was out of sight.

Sweetie Belle looked the mushroom over for a moment, trying to figure out which were the two "sides" of it.

"One side makes me taller," she said as she reached out and broke off a bit of the edge with her left hand. "The other side will make me shorter." She broke off another bit with her right hand and thought, "I wonder which one is which."

She nibbled a little of the bit in her left hand and the next moment, she could feel herself gradually growing until she was at her normal height.

"I think I'll keep these," she thought as she tucked the mushroom bits into her pockets. "They may come in handy later."


	7. A Princess, a Pig, and Pepper

Sweetie Belle turned and saw a house in the distance.

"That looks respectable," she thought. "I wonder if they'll be able to give me directions."

Suddenly, a woman came running out of the woods and Sweetie Belle followed her. The woman rapped loudly at the door with her knuckles and it was opened by another woman.

Both women, Sweetie Belle noticed, were dressed in lavish gowns and had powdered wigs that curled all over their heads. One of them (the one she had followed) had a rainbow wig and wore a blue gown while the other had a light pink wig and was dressed in green.

The woman in blue with the rainbow wig produced a giant letter from under her arm and handed it to the other.

"For the Princess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet," she said in a solemn tone.

"From the Queen. An invitation for the Princess to play croquet," the woman in the pink wig and green gown repeated in the same solemn tone, only slightly changing the order of the words.

"An invitation to play croquet, from the Queen, for the Princess," the woman in the rainbow wig replied.

The woman in green blinked and said, "I've got the gist."

"You're sure?" the woman in the rainbow wig asked.

"Yes, it's an invitation from the Queen for the Princess to play croquet," she said.

"I wouldn't put it quite like that, but it'll have to do I suppose,"

And the woman in the rainbow wig walked back into the woods.

When Sweetie Belle approached the house, she saw that the woman in the green gown was sitting on a chair away from the door and staring up at the sky.

Sweetie Belle went timidly up to the door and rang the bell.

When no one answered her, she tried knocking.

"It's no good you knocking like that," said the woman in green.

"Why not?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Two good reasons: one, because I'm on the same side of the door as you,"

"Oh, yes,"

"Two: they're making so much noise inside that no one can hear you,"

Indeed, there _was_ a commotion going on within – a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish had been broken to pieces.

"How am I supposed to get inside?" she asked the lady in green.

"That is the question. The problem. You might even say the conundrum or riddle," she replied cryptically. "There might be some sense in your knocking if we had a door between us. I _could_ go and get a spare door... but that would take too long. On the other hand, if you were _inside_ the house, you could knock, and I could let you out."

She then got up from the chair and proceeded to demonstrate knocking on the door.

"'Knock, knock!' 'This way out, Miss,'" she said with a low curtsey.

"But I don't want to go _out,_ " Sweetie Belle said. "I want to go _in._ "

"Of course," the lady in green remarked before she sat down again. "But if you did want to go _out,_ it would be much _easier._ Meanwhile, I am going to sit here until tomorrow—"

At that moment, the door of the house opened and a large plate came flying out, straight at the woman's head. It completely missed and broke to pieces against the wall behind her.

"—or the next day, perhaps," she continued, exactly as if nothing had happened. "Or even for a whole week. Then I can come back by popular demand..."

"But how am I supposed to get inside?" Sweetie Belle repeated. "I need to ask for directions."

"' _Will you ever get in?_ ' is the question you _should_ be asking," the woman in green said. "I am going to sit here for days, thinking about it, and singing, ' _Coming Through the Rye._ '" Then she began humming. "Dee da dada dar dee dar da dar dee dar dee dar dum..."

It was, no doubt. But Sweetie Belle didn't like to be told so.

"It's really sad how everyone argues around here," she thought.

Even this woman seemed to enjoy it. Granted, she was a bit more passive in her arguments, but they were still arguments.

"It's no use talking to you," Sweetie Belle told her. "I'll just have to do it myself."

"That's the spirit!" the woman exclaimed.

And Sweetie Belle opened the door and went in.

The door led into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to the other. The Princess, who looked an awful lot like Cadence, was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby boy that, oddly enough, looked very much like Flurry Heart; while the cooks were leaning over the stove, stirring in a large pot which seemed to be full of soup.

"There is way too much pepper in that soup!" Sweetie Belle thought.

There was certainly too much of it in the _air._ Even the Princess sneezed occasionally. As for the baby, it was alternating between sneezing and howling without a moment's pause. The only creatures in the kitchen that _weren't_ sneezing where the cooks, and a large creature with a horse's mane, a deer antler, a blue goat horn, a snake-like tongue, a white goat beard, the right arm of a lion, the left claw of an eagle, the right leg of a green dragon, the left leg of a horse, one batwing, one Pegasus wing, and the tail of a red dragon with a tuft of white fur on the end of it; which was lying on a shelf above the stove and grinning from ear to ear.

"Please, could you tell me why that creature is grinning at me like that?" Sweetie Belle asked, a little timidly, for she was not sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first in the presence of a Princess.

"He's a Draconequus," said the Princess. "Draconequuses always grin! Isn't that so, Piggy?" she addressed her baby, who violently sneezed.

"I didn't know that Draconequuses always grinned," Sweetie Belle said. "In fact, I didn't know that Draconequuses _could_ grin."

"They all can," the Princess said. "And most of them do."

"I don't know of any that do," Sweetie Belle said very politely.

"Well you don't know much then, do you?" the Princess asked. "Isn't that so, Piggy?"

Sweetie Belle didn't like the tone of her remark.

"Are you really a Princess?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Every inch! And then some!"

It was then that the cooks started throwing everything within their reach at the Princess and the baby – the plates came first, followed by a shower of other dishes, and finally a teacup.

The Princess took no notice of them, even when two of them hit her; and the baby was howling so much already that it was impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.

"Be careful!'" Sweetie Belle cried as the teacup flew close by the baby. "You almost hit his poor little nose!"

"Nonsense! He can already play 'Three Blind Mice' on his nose-flute," The baby stopped howling long enough for the Princess to ask, "What do you want, little miss?"

"I want to know how to get into the garden,"

"Oh, now you're talking! But I prefer singing to talking, don't you? Let's have a song!"

And with that, she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line.

 _Speak roughly to your little boy,_

 _And beat him when he sneezes;_

 _He only does it to annoy,_

 _Because he knows it teases._

While the cooks and the baby "sang" the chorus (which sounded like nothing but the baby crying, "Whaa! Whaa! Whaa!"), the Princess started tossing the baby up and down, and the poor little thing howled.

 _I speak severely to my boy,_

 _I beat him when he sneezes;_

 _For he can thoroughly enjoy_

 _The pepper when he pleases!_

"Here! You nurse it for a bit!" the Princess said to Sweetie Belle as she flung the baby at her. "I've got an appointment. Can't wait!"

And she hurried out of the room.

Sweetie Belle caught the baby and carried it out of the house.

"I best get you out of here," she said. "They're sure to kill you."

The cook threw a frying pan at her as she went, but it just missed her.

When Sweetie Belle exited the house, she passed the lady in green, who was still sitting and staring up at the sky.

"I thought you wanted to go _in,_ " she said.

"I've been in, now I'm coming out!" Sweetie Belle snapped in reply.

The lady in green kept watching the sky and said, "Life is so complicated."

* * *

"You mustn't grunt like that," Sweetie Belle told the baby. "You sound as if you've turned into a pig."

The baby grunted again and Sweetie Belle looked at its face to see what was the matter with it. Then she gasped in alarm.

"You have turned into a pig! I best let you go,"

So, she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood.

"When he grows up he will make a very ugly man," she thought to herself, "or a very handsome pig."

She stood up and looked around and saw that she was at a crossroads.

"Which way should I go?" she thought. "Which path should I take?"

She was startled when she heard a voice singing a little song. And the song went like this:

 _'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves_

 _Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:_

 _All mimsy were the borogoves,_

 _And the mome raths outgrabe._

Sweetie Belle looked up and saw the Draconequus sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off, and he grinned when he locked eyes with her.

He looked good-natured, she thought. Still, he had _very_ long claws and a great many teeth, so she felt that he ought to be treated with respect.

"Discord," she began, as she did not know whether he would like the name. He grinned a little wider. "Can you tell me which way I ought to go?"

"Well, that depends a great deal on _where_ you want to get _to_ ," Discord replied.

"I don't much care where—"

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said Discord.

"—so long as I get somewhere," Sweetie Belle added.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," Discord told her, "if you only walk long enough."

"Okay. The beautiful garden!"

"Why do you want to go there?" Discord asked.

"It looks safe,"

"Sometimes some things that look safe turn out nasty. And some things that look nasty turn out safe. That's immoral,"

Sweetie Belle felt that this could not be denied.

"Oh, by the way, in case you're still curious," Discord added, "he went that way."

"Who did?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"The white rabbit,"

"He did?"

"He did what?"

"Went that way?"

"Who did?"

"The white rabbit,"

"What rabbit?"

"Didn't you just say-oh, never mind!" she exclaimed as she turned her back on him.

"Can you stand on your head?" he asked her.

Sweetie Belle turned to look at Discord again and saw that he had separated his head from the rest of his body and was literally standing on it.

"Oh!" she huffed in exasperation.

She felt this was getting nowhere, so she thought it would be as well to introduce another subject of conversation.

"What sort of people live around here?" she asked.

"Well, a Hatter named Pinkie Pie lives over there. Follow my right paw," he said as he pointed in one direction.

As Sweetie Belle looked up to where Discord was pointing, he vanished and reappeared standing on a branch of a neighboring tree.

"And a gentleman called, 'Sandwich,' nicknamed 'Cheese,' lives there," he said, pointing in the other direction. "They're probably having some kind of party. Visit either, or both, if you like: they're both mad."

"But I don't want to meet mad people,"

"Oh, but you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here. They're mad, you're mad, and it's only by chance and careful planning if you're not,"

"How do you know I'm mad?"

"You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here. So, to reiterate, how do I know you're mad? Because you're here! And everyone here is mad!" he laughed. "You may have noticed that I'm not _all there_ myself."

He vanished again. Sweetie Belle was not very surprised (she was getting used to strange things happening). While she was still looking at the branch he had been standing on, he suddenly appeared again, this time reclining on a hammock made of clouds that hung between two trees.

"I went to a Hunt Ball once, I didn't like it. Terrible people. They all started hunting me!"

"Life must be hard for you," Sweetie Belle answered very quietly, as if the Draconequus had come back in a natural way.

"Yeah, but I grin and bear it," he replied. "By-the-by, what became of the Princess's baby? I'd nearly forgotten to ask."

"It turned into a pig,"

"I knew it would," Discord said as he vanished again. "It's the same with crows and moor-hens."

While Sweetie Belle was looking at the place where Discord had been, he suddenly reappeared again. This time, hanging upside down, by his tail, from a branch on yet another tree.

"Did you say 'pig' or 'fig'?" he asked. "Because I know you didn't say 'wig'. So, which was it?"

"I said 'pig'," Sweetie Belle replied. "And I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and disappearing so suddenly, you're making me very dizzy!"

"So, sorry," he apologized. "Is this better?"

This time, he vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of his tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of him had gone.

Sweetie Belle waited a little, half-expecting to see him again, but he did not reappear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the Pink Hatter was said to live.

She hadn't gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the Pink Hatter. At first, she thought it wasn't the right house, because from the distance it looked like a loaf of bread, or maybe a cake.

"Discord was right. They are having a party. I wonder if they'd mind if I joined them?"


	8. The Mad Tea Party

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and Cheese Sandwich and the Pink Hatter were having tea at it. A toothless alligator was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were resting their elbows on it as if it were a cushion, and talking over its head.

"Must be very uncomfortable for all of them," Sweetie Belle thought. "Especially the alligator. But he _is_ asleep, so I guess he doesn't mind."

The table was large, indeed, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it.

"Have you any more food down there, Gummy?" the Pink Hatter asked. "Any spoilt sandwiches or cupcakes? I love cupcakes, don't you?" she asked Cheese Sandwich. "Aha-ha-ha-ha!"

"I'm sure he's hoarding them," Cheese Sandwich replied.

"Oh, haw-haw-haw!" the Pink Hatter laughed.

"I'm lost. Could I get-" Sweetie Belle began.

"No room!" Cheese Sandwich cried out when he saw Sweetie Belle approach the table.

"There is no room!" the Pink Hatter added.

"There's plenty of room!" Sweetie Belle said, almost indignantly as she sat down in a large arm-char across from them.

"Why didn't you report this sooner, Pinkie?" Cheese Sandwich asked his compatriot.

"I overslept," the Pink Hatter replied.

"Why're you here?" Cheese Sandwich asked Sweetie Belle.

"Well, I've been looking for the pretty garden all day and now I'm lost, I'm tired and I'm hungry,"

"Oh, that's different," the Pink Hatter said.

"We've been eating for hours," Cheese Sandwich added.

"And we're not finished yet!" the Pink Hatter exclaimed.

"Waiter, waiter, there's a hair in my soup!" Cheese called out.

"Is it blonde?" the Hatter asked. "We're missing a waitress!"

"Have some cider," Cheese Sandwich told Sweetie Belle in an encouraging tone.

Sweetie Belle looked all around the table, but there was nothing on it but tea, pies and cakes.

"I don't see any cider," she replied.

"There isn't any, and you're too young," Cheese Sandwich said.

"Then it wasn't very nice of you to offer it," Sweetie Belle said angrily.

"It wasn't very nice of _you_ to sit down without being invited," Cheese Sandwich replied. "This is a private soirée."

"I'll say it wasn't nice!" added the Pink Hatter. "It was very, very not nice!"

"Well, I suppose I shouldn't've just barged in," said Sweetie Belle. "I didn't know it was _your_ table. True, I wasn't invited but the table looks like it was laid out for a great many more people."

"My response to that is both profound and meaningful," said the Pink Hatter. "Get your hair cut!"

"You shouldn't make personal remarks, it's very rude," Sweetie Belle said with some severity.

The Pink Hatter opened her eyes very wide upon hearing this.

"I didn't know that. Personal remarks are rude?"

"Mm-hmm,"

"Egad, you learn something new every day! Make a note of that, Cheesy! It might come in useful. Now, I have one for you... Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"Oh, we're going to have some fun now!" Cheese Sandwich thought.

"Why is a raven...?" he began.

"I'm not talking to you!" said the Hatter.

"Why not? Aren't I good enough?"

"You've heard it before,"

"But you were looking at _me_ when you asked the question, 'Why is a raven...?'"

"I'm asking her!" the Hatter yelled, pointing at Sweetie Belle.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" she pondered the question. "You know, I'm pretty sure I can guess that."

"You mean _you_ think _you_ know _the answer?_ " Cheese Sandwich asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"Then you should say what you mean," Cheese Sandwich went on.

"Well, I do," Sweetie Belle hastily replied. "At least, I mean what I say. That is the same thing."

"It's not the same thing at all!" the Pink Hatter exclaimed. "You just might as well say, 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'."

"You might as well say, 'I like what I get' as 'I get what I like'!" Cheese Sandwich added.

"Or you might as well say," added the toothless alligator, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same as 'I sleep when I breathe'."

"Well, it is the same thing with you," said the Hatter.

And here their conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a moment, while Sweetie Belle thought over what could be the answer to the riddle about the raven and the writing desk.

"Clean cups!" the Pink Hatter shouted, breaking the silence.

She and Cheese Sandwich grabbed the alligator and they ran to the far end of the table.

"Time marches on its stomach! Ah-ha-ha-ha!" the Hatter laughed.

"It's an army that marches on its stomach," Sweetie Belle said.

"Odd sort of army, marching on its stomach," Cheese Sandwich commented as he poured himself another cup of tea. "I don't like the idea. Yuck!"

The Pink Hatter took her pocket watch out of her coat and looked at it uneasily.

"What day of the month is it?" she asked Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle considered a little, and then said, "The fourth."

"Ah-ha! Two days wrong!" exclaimed the Hatter. "I told you not to use butter!" she added, looking angrily at Cheese Sandwich.

"It was the best butter," Cheese Sandwich said meekly.

"Danish," the alligator, Gummy, said.

"Yes, but some crumbs must have got into it as well," the Hatter grumbled. "I thought I was very specific when I said, 'don't put butter in the works with the bread knife.'"

"I couldn't put it in with a fork, could I? Here, let me see,"

"I don't want to give it to you – but I will,"

Cheese Sandwich took the watch, held it to his ear, and shook it a little. Then he proceeded to bang it on the table, earning a shriek from the Hatter, before dipping it into his cup of tea.

He looked at it gloomily again and couldn't think of anything better to say than his first remark.

"I don't understand. It was the _best_ butter."

"Danish," Gummy repeated.

Cheese Sandwich tossed the watch to Sweetie Belle, who looked at it with some curiosity.

"That's a funny watch," she remarked. "It tells the day of the month, but not the time."

"Why should it?" muttered the Hatter. "Does _your_ watch tell you what year it is?"

"No, because it stays a year for so long,"

"Oh, well, then I rest my case,"

"Where?" Cheese Sandwich asked.

"There!" the Hatter said, pointing to a pile of eight suitcases on the path. Then she broke out in laughter.

"I know when I'm beaten," Cheese said.

"Oh, look," said Sweetie Belle. "The alligator is asleep again."

"It tells you a lot about your conversation," said the Hatter.

The Hatter's insulting remark seemed to Sweetie Belle to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.

"Sparkle, sparkle!" the Hatter shouted.

The alligator shook its head impatiently and said, "Of course, of course. I was just going to say that myself. I'm-I'm asleep again..."

"Have you guessed the riddle about the raven yet?" the Hatter asked.

"No, I give up," Sweetie Belle replied. "What's the answer?"

"I haven't the slightest idea," said the Hatter.

"Nor I," Cheese Sandwich added.

"I think you should all do something better with the time than wasting it on asking stupid riddles," Sweetie Belle said.

"If you knew Time the way I do, you wouldn't talk about wasting 'it,'" the Hatter said. "Time is a 'him.'"

"'It' isn't polite," Cheese added.

"I don't know what you mean," Sweetie Belle said as politely as she could.

"Of course, you don't!" the Pink Hatter said, tossing her head contemptuously. "Because you've never spoken to Time, have you?"

"No," Sweetie Belle replied. "But I know I have to beat time when I learn music."

"Well, that would explain it," said the Hatter. "He won't stand beating! Now, if you kept on good terms with Time, he would do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, if it were nine o'clock in the morning, you'd only have to whisper to Time, and he could speed up the clock until... noon, time for lunch! And even if you _weren't_ hungry, you could keep it at noon as long as you liked."

"Is that the way you manage?" Sweetie Belle asked.

The Pink Hatter shook her head mournfully and replied, "No. We used to be very good friends. But we quarreled last March – just before _he_ went mad!" she said, pointing at Cheese Sandwich.

"Flatterer!" he replied.

"It was at the great concert given by the Queen of the Changelings," the Pink Hatter said as she stood up on the table.

"Stop her before she starts singing!" Cheese Sandwich exclaimed. "Too late."

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, how _terribly sweet_ of you!" the Hatter said. "Now, for a little encore, I'd like to do a song entitled, _'Auntie's Wooden Leg.'_ Maestro," she said at Cheese Sandwich. "If you please."

Cheese Sandwich picked up his accordion, joined the Hatter on the table, and started playing while the Hatter sang and danced.

 _Auntie's wooden leg!_

 _Auntie's wooden leg!_

 _We'll paint it red,_

 _And called Fred or Ned._

"Or Te-e-ed!" Cheese Sandwich added.

"Oh, _Auntie's wooden leg!_ " the Hatter continued to sing.

" _Auntie's wooden leg!_ " Gummy joined in.

 _Everybody said,_

 _It was well and truly dead!_

 _Oh, Auntie's wooden leg!_

"I say, I say, I say!" Cheese exclaimed.

"How dare you interrupt my song with, 'I say, I say, I say!'" the Hatter shouted.

" _I say, I say, I say,_ " Cheese sang, " _In this world it's not_ what _you know, but_ who _you know._ "

"I don't know either one of them," the Hatter said.

"Kindly leave the stage by the red door," Cheese told her. "There's a 50-foot drop on the other side!"

"But we're still friends!" she replied.

Gummy groaned and went back to sleep again.

The Pink Hatter tried to start the second verse of the song, but Cheese shouted, "That's enough of that or she'll walk out!"

"That's what the _audience_ did at the concert," the Hatter replied.

"Try another song!" Cheese whispered.

"We're desperate men," the Hatter told Sweetie Belle. "Or, at least one of us is."

 _Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!_

 _How I wonder what you're at!_

 _Up above the world you fly,_

 _Like a tea-tray in the sky._

 _Twinkle, twinkle, little twinkle,_

 _You don't speak, but you do twinkle._

 _Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, little bee,_

 _Twinkle, Twinkle,_

 _I'm so glad it isn't meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!_

The Hatter held the last word a full 20 seconds before she finally ran out of breath and plopped down into her chair.

Gummy the alligator shook himself and began singing in his sleep.

" _Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twink... le..._ "

"Anyway," said the Hatter, "I hadn't even finished the second verse when the Queen bawled out, 'She's murdering the tune! Off with her head!'"

"How terrible for you," Sweetie Belle replied.

"You're very understanding for such a young woman," Cheese Sandwich told her.

"And, if you'll pardon the expression," the Hatter went on, "Time took offense to our performance."

" _Your_ performance," Cheese Sandwich corrected her.

"And ever since then, he won't do a think we ask! He stopped time!"

An idea came into Sweetie Belle's head.

"Could he stop time for me?" she asked. "I have to sing a song."

"Wonderful!" the Hatter squealed in delight. "We're all performers here!"

"The roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd...'" Cheese said. "Nothing like it."

"But I don't want to," she told them.

The Hatter and Cheese Sandwich gasped.

"Don't want to perform?" Cheese asked. "It's unnatural!"

"No, no, no, no, no," the Hatter whispered. "Stage fright. I remember my first performance. I shook so much my hair became a permanent poof!"

"But if Time stopped time for you, he could stop time for me. Couldn't he?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"But he stopped time at six o'clock," the Hatter tried to explain. "So, it's always six o'clock now."

"Is that why there are so many tea-things out here?" she asked.

"Yes, that's it," the Hatter said. "It's always tea-time here. And we've no time to wash the things between whiles."

"Then you keep moving around the table?" she asked.

"Exactly so," said the Hatter. "As the things get used up."

"But what happens when you come to the beginning again?" Sweetie Belle ventured to ask.

"I propose we change the subject," Cheese Sandwich interrupted. "I vote the young lady tell us a story."

"I don't know any," said Sweetie Belle, rather alarmed at the proposal.

"Then Gummy will," Cheese said.

"Wake up, Gummy!" the Hatter cried.

They both reached into their pockets and pulled out two alarm clocks each. They held them on both sides of Gummy's head (around where his ears would be) and they started ringing.

The alligator opened its eyes.

"I wasn't asleep," it said in a feeble tone. "Oh, no. I heard every word you said."

"Tell us a story!" Cheese Sandwich pleaded.

"Please do," Sweetie Belle said.

"And do be quick about it, or you'll be asleep again before you've finished it," added the Hatter.

"Once upon a time there were three sisters," Gummy began in a great hurry, "Maud, Limestone, and Marble, and they lived at the bottom of a well."

"What did they live on?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"What did they live on?" Gummy repeated. "Treacle."

"But it would have made them ill," Sweetie Belle remarked gently.

"It did," said Gummy. "It made them _very_ ill."

"Have some more tea," the Pink Hatter said earnestly.

"More tea!" Cheese Sandwich chanted. "More tea!"

"I've had nothing yet," Sweetie Belle replied, "so I can't take more."

"You mean, you can't take _less,_ " said the Hatter. "It's very easy to have _more_ than nothing. Especially if you're poor."

"I'd still like to know why they lived at the bottom of the well," Sweetie Belle said to Gummy.

"It was a treacle-well," the alligator replied.

"There's no such thing!" Sweetie Bell said.

"Disgraceful!" Cheese Sandwich exclaimed. "You'll hear from my solicitor in the morning!"

"We'll send a letter to the Times!" the Hatter added.

"If you can't be civil, you can finish the story _yourself,_ " Gummy remarked.

"No, no, I'm sorry!" Sweetie Belle said humbly. "I won't interrupt you again. I'm sure there's at least _one_ treacle-well."

"Now, where was I?" Gummy asked. "Oh, yes. So, these three sisters were learning to draw."

"Draw what?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Treacle," Gummy said.

"Hole in one!" Cheese Sandwich exclaimed.

"I want another clean cup," the Pink Hatter interrupted. "Everyone... MOVE!"

This time, she ran to the center of the table. Gummy and Cheese Sandwich followed her and Sweetie Belle unwillingly joined them.

Sweetie Belle didn't want to offend Gummy again, so she began very cautiously, "What I don't understand is, how they could draw treacle?"

"You can draw water out of a water-well, can't you?" asked the Hatter.

"Good one, Pinkie!" Cheese shouted. "Good one!"

Then he and Pinkie started smashing their cups and plates.

"I don't think I like this party as much as I _thought_ I would," Sweetie Belle said.

"If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter. "Just hum. And just because we know you socially, Sweetie Belle, it doesn't mean that we're going to introduce you to our friends."

"We haven't got any," Cheese added.

"But if we had!" Pinkie went on.

"Ah, if we had!"

"I'm not staying here listening to you being rude!" she told them.

"You'll find better places for that, I'm sure," Cheese replied.

"Of course, she will!" Pinkie added. "If she's lucky!"

"Besides, it's going to rain," Sweetie Belle said, looking up at the sky.

"It never rains, but it pours," Pinkie said.

"If it does, we carry on," Cheese added. "We're little heroes, aren't we, Gummy?"

The alligator woke up with a little shriek.

"Officer, these two are criminals!" he said before he closed his eyes again and went off into another doze.

"Who's got his ear trumpet?" Pinkie shouted.

All this rudeness was more than Sweetie Belle could bear. She got up in disgust and walked off. Gummy fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she looked back once more, half-hoping that they would call after her.

"This is the stupidest party I've ever been to!"

The last she saw of them, they were trying to shove the toothless alligator into a teapot.

"I told you he wouldn't fit!" Pinkie shouted.

"Oh, he'll fit!" Cheese told her. "We have to try harder."

"I heard that," said Gummy. "Try harder. Oh. Ah! No, that's my nose! No! Mind the head..."

* * *

As Sweetie Belle made her way back through the wood, she noticed one of the trees had a door leading right into it.

"That's curious," she said.

And she went in.

Once more she found herself in the round room with all the doors, and close to the little glass table and took the little golden key from it.

"This time, I'll manage things better," she said to herself.

She unlocked the door that led into the garden, then she nibbled at the mushroom till she was about a foot high, then walked down the little passage. At last, she found herself in the beautiful garden, among the bright flowerbeds and the cool fountain.

"At last," she said. "The perfect place to hide."


	9. The Queen's Croquet Ground

Large rose trees stood near the entrance of the garden, and there were three lovely lady gardeners busily cutting the heads off the roses. They were pruning so much that Sweetie Belle thought the trees were dead, which she felt was odd.

"Watch out, Lily!" she heard one of them say as she approached them.

"I can't help it, Rose!" said Lily, in a sulky tone. "Daisy jogged my elbow!"

On which Daisy looked up and said, "That's right, Lily! Always blaming others for your mistakes!"

" _You're_ one to talk!" said Lily. "I heard the Queen say just _this morning_ that you deserved to get the axe."

"What for?" said Daisy.

"Tulip roots," said Rose.

"What?" Daisy shouted.

"For bringing the cook _tulip roots_ instead of onions," Rose elaborated.

"Is that all?" Daisy asked. She threw down her clippers and added, "That's a mistake anyone can make!"

"Hello," Sweetie Belle said.

The three gardeners turned and looked at Sweetie Belle.

"Hello," they all replied a little timidly.

"Would you tell me," said Sweetie Belle, "why you are cutting the heads off the roses on these trees? They look like they're almost dead."

"Well, the fact is, Miss, this was supposed to be a _dead_ rose tree," Lily began, "and we planted a live one by mistake."

"An easy thing to do!" Daisy added.

"But the Queen, she likes them dead. And if she was to find out," said Rose, "we'd all have _our_ heads cut off."

"So, we're doing the best we can to put this right," Lily said.

"Before she comes," Rose finished.

Suddenly, there was a sound of many footsteps approaching, and Daisy, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out, "She's coming now! The Queen! The Queen!"

"The horror! The horror!" Lily cried.

Leading the grand procession was Angel Bunny, who said, "Left, right, left, right, left, right!"

He was followed by ten soldiers in dark blue helmets and armor (which were full of holes), with soulless blue eyes, who walked in two straight lines. Then, the Queen of the Changelings.

After that came the Knave of the Changelings, who carried a crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and a King in heavy, dark gray armor and a long red cape.

Next came the courtiers (ten of them), who walked two and two as the soldiers did. After them came the royal children (ten more), also in two straight lines. And finally, ten more soldiers brought up the rear.

When the procession came opposite of the three gardeners, they threw themselves flat upon their faces.

Sweetie Belle didn't know whether she should lie down on her face as well, but she did not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions. So, she stood where she was and watched.

When the Queen saw Sweetie Belle, she shouted, "Halt!"

The procession stopped and looked at Sweetie Belle, and the Queen said severely, "Who is this?"

"I agree entirely," the Knave, who was named Thorax, answered.

"Don't be ridiculous," she said.

"Would I lie to you, Your Majesty?" he asked her.

"Yes," she replied.

"Oh, well, thank you," He cleared his throat. "Compliments are always welcome."

"You're an idiot,"

"That's right, Your Majesty," he replied with a click of his tongue. "Only you could spot that. Takes one to know one."

"A complete idiot!" said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently, and turning to face Sweetie Belle. "What's your name, child?"

"Sweetie Belle, if it please Your Majesty," Sweetie Belle said very politely.

The heavily-armored King stepped forward.

"Why have we stopped?"

He said it to the Knave of the Changelings, who only shrugged and shook his head in reply.

"And who are _these?_ " the Queen asked, pointing to the three gardeners who were still lying on their faces.

"How should I know?" Sweetie Belle asked, surprised by her own courage. "I'm a stranger here."

The Queen became filled with fury and, after glaring at Sweetie Belle for a moment like a wild animal, screamed, "Off with her head!"

"Off with her head!" the entourage echoed weakly.

"Off with her—!"

"Stop losing your temper!" Sweetie Belle said. "It's vulgar."

The King laid his hand upon the Queen's arm and said, "Consider, my dear, she is only a child."

"You really think so?" she asked him.

He nodded in reply.

"Yes, that would account for it," she said. "Children have _no respect_ for their elders these days."

The King shook his head in agreement.

The Queen turned angrily away from him and shouted in a shrill voice, "You three! Get up!"

The three gardeners instantly got to their knees and started genuflecting to her.

"Stop doing do that!" she commanded. "You're making me dizzy."

She examined the rose-tree.

"What have you been doing here?"

"If it please, Your Majesty," said Rose, in a very humble tone, "we tried—"

"Yes, you are, aren't you?" said the Queen. "They tried," she laughed.

She turned to look at the King, who started laughing with her.

"Off with their heads," she said, and the procession moved on.

"I won't let you be beheaded," Sweetie Belle told the gardeners as she helped them sneak out of the garden.

She was about to follow them when she heard the Queen shout, "Do you play croquet?"

The procession was silent as they looked at Sweetie Belle, as the question was clearly meant for her.

"Who, me?" Sweetie Belle replied.

"Yes, you! I am not in the habit of _talking to myself!_ " the Queen shouted. "Although, that _does_ seem to be the only way I can have an intelligent conversation around here," she added to herself before repeating her question. "Can you play croquet!?"

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"Come on, then!" roared the Queen, and Sweetie Belle joined the procession.

"Nice day," Angel Bunny said in a timid voice.

"Very," she replied. "Where's the Princess?"

"Oh, hush! Hush!" said Angel in a low, frightened tone. "She's due to be executed!"

"Get to your places!" the Queen shouted.

And people began running in all directions, tumbling against each other, and the game began.

Sweetie Belle had never seen such an odd croquet ground in her life: it was all ridges and furrows, and the balls were hedgehogs while the mallets were live flamingoes, and the Changeling soldiers had to shapeshift into makeshift arches.

The chief difficulty Sweetie Belle found at first was managing her flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but just as she got its neck nicely straightened out, and was about to give her hedgehog a blow with the bird's head, it would twist itself around and look up at her face with a puzzled expression, while the hedgehog unrolled itself and crawled away.

And as if that weren't enough, the players all played at once, without waiting for turns, and quarreling all the while, and in a very short time the Queen was furious and went stamping about, shouting, "Off with his head!" or "Off with her head!"

It was a very difficult game indeed.

"I don't like it here," Sweetie Belle said. "She's too fond of beheading people."

It was then that she noticed a curious appearance in the air.

"Discord," she said. "Hello again."

"How are you getting on?" the Draconequus asked her.

"Not at all," she replied.

"How do you like the game?" he asked.

"They don't play very fair," she said in a rather complaining tone.

"Nobody does if they think they can get away with it. That's a lesson you'll have to learn,"

"Yes, I suppose I should,"

"How do you like _the Queen?_ "

"I don't," she said in a low voice. "She's so extremely—" She noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening, so she went on, "—likely to win, that it's hardly worth finishing the game."

The Queen smiled and passed on.

"Who _are_ you talking to?" said the King, coming up to Sweetie Belle, and looking at the Draconequus's head with great curiosity.

"A friend of mine," said Sweetie Belle. "Discord, allow me to introduce King Sombra."

"I don't like the look of it at all," said the King. "but as you are in my presence, you may kiss my hand."

"I'd rather not," the Draconequus remarked.

"What? Don't be impertinent," said Sombra. "And don't look at me like that!" He got behind Sweetie Belle as he spoke.

"A cat may look at a king," Sweetie Belle said. "So, why shouldn't a Draconequus?"

"That sound immoral! It has undertones!" said Sombra very decidedly; and he called to the Queen who was passing. "My dear! How do we get rid of a floating... animal?"

"Off with its head!" she said without even looking around.

"Brilliant!" Sombra cried. "I know I could rely on you! I'll fetch the executioner myself!"

"Do you know where my hedgehog went?" Sweetie Belle asked Discord after Sombra had left.

"He rolled away over there," he said, looking behind her.

Her hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to Sweetie Belle an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other: the only difficulty was that her flamingo had ran to the far side of the garden, where Sweetie Belle could see it trying in desperation to hide behind one of the dead rose trees.

By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was over, and both hedgehogs were out of sight. So, she tucked it under her arm, that way it might not escape again, and went back to have a little more conversation with Discord.

When she got back to him, she was surprised to find the entire procession collected beneath it. There was a great dispute going on between Pharynx, the executioner; the King and the Queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were looking very uncomfortable.

The moment Sweetie Belled joined them, she was appealed to by all three to settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her. But, as they spoke all at once, she found it very hard to make out what they said.

"One at a time, please," she told them.

"I'm sorry about my _altitude,_ " Discord apologized.

"It sparks a revolution!" Sombra shouted. "You're above us!"

"My argument is simple," Pharynx said. "And based on irrefutable logic," he added. "I am an executioner. But I can't cut off a head unless there's a body to cut it from. This, _creature,_ floating up there, large as life and twice as repulsive, doesn't have a body! Ipso facto, I can't separate it from its head!"

"My argument is, I venture to say, overwhelming!" Sombra stated. "Anything that has a head can be beheaded!And don't forget, I'm also a justice of the peace!"

"There's too much talk and not enough action!" Chrysalis shouted. "And if something doesn't happen in the next minute, I'm going to have everybody executed!"

It was that remark that made the whole party look so anxious.

"You choose!" Sombra told Sweetie Belle.

"To behead or not to behead?" Pharynx said. "That is the question."

"What's the answer?" Chrysalis asked her.

"You have to tread with care when dealing with a Draconequus," she advised. "They have influence and are seen in all the smart places. You remember the great Draconequus Massacre?" she asked.

"Yes!" Sombra gasped. "I had almost forgotten."

"Catastrophe," Thorax nodded in agreement.

"I would think carefully before acting rashly," Sweetie Belle concluded.

"Sound advice," Chrysalis said.

And the entire entourage broke out in applause.

"And another thing," Sweetie Belle added. "He's also friends with the Princess."

"She's in prison," Chrysalis said to the executioner. "Fetch her!"

And Pharynx went off like an arrow.

Discord's head began to fade away the moment Pharynx left, and, by the time he had come back with the Princess, it had entirely disappeared.

"It's your fault!" Sombra shouted at Pharynx. "It was in your custody!"

"It wasn't official, so it has nothing to do with me!" Pharynx defended himself.

"Help me find it! Everybody!" Sombra shouted.

And they ran wildly up and down the garden, looking for it, while Sweetie Belle and the Princess slipped away from the party.

* * *

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you again," the Princess said as she tucked her arm affectionately into Sweetie Belle's and they walked off together.

"Thank you," Sweetie Belle replied.

She was glad to see the Princess in such a pleasant temper.

They looked back and saw how the game was going, and they could hear Queen Chrysalis's voice in the distance, screaming with passion. The game was in such confusion that nobody knew whose turn it was.

"I can see you're wondering why I let go instead of put my arm around your waist," the Princess said. "I'm doubtful of the temper of your flamingo. He might bite."

Sweetie Belle didn't mind being so close to Cadence: firstly, because she stood much taller than Sweetie Belle; and secondly, the Princess was _very_ beautiful.

"You look worried, my dear," the Princess observed.

"I don't want to go back and sing that song," she said very politely.

"The show must go on," the Princess replied in a pleasant tone.

There seemed to be a bit of affection to everything that she said.

Well, she was the Princess of Love after all.

"Why?"

"Life would be very dull if it didn't,"

It was then that the Princess stopped in her tracks, and when Sweetie Belle looked up, there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, and frowning like a thunderstorm.

"A fine day, Your Majesty," the Princess began in a low, weak voice.

"I gave you a fair warning," Chrysalis began quietly. "Either you, or your head, must be OOOOOFFFFF!"

The scream on the last word lasted ten seconds. And as she screamed, the Princess took her choice and was gone in a moment.

"Now, my dear," Chrysalis said to Sweetie Belle, "we can finish our game before you leave."

"I'm frightened of going back," she said. "They want me to do things I don't want to do."

"To stay, you have to know the password,"

"I don't know it,"

"Guess,"

"Honeycomb,"

"Good. Can you write that word down? Blindfolded?"

Sweetie Belle didn't respond.

"I thought not," said Chrysalis.

The other guests had taken advantage of Chrysalis's absence and, and were resting in the shade. However, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game.


	10. The Mock Dragon and Lobster Quadrille

As Sweetie Belle slipped away and into the hedge maze, she could hear the Queen shouting to the company, "Off with their heads! Off with their heads! Off with everyone's heads!"

"Discord was right," she thought. "This isn't such a lovely garden, after all."

Very soon, she became lost in the maze. Eventually, she came upon a Griffon, lying fast asleep in the sun.

Sweetie Belle did not like the look of the creature (Griffons were generally mean and cranky), but she thought it would be safe to approach it. As long as she stepped carefully.

The Griffon sat up, rubbed its eyes and said, in a surprisingly friendly voice, "Hello! Who are you?"

"Sweetie Belle,"

"Sweetie Belle? That sounds familiar,"

"And who are you?"

"I'm Gabriella, but you can call me 'Gabby,' since we're friends now," she said as she eagerly shook Sweetie Belle's hands. "Pleased to meet ya! And yes, I'm a griffon. Part eagle, part lion. The best of each."

"I thought you were a mythical creature,"

"I am! That makes me even more fascinating!"

"Is there a way out of this maze, Gabby?"

"Let's ask the Mock Dragon," Gabby said. "He's a splendid fellow and a true friend."

So, they went up to the Mock Dragon. He was a small creature, with purple scales and green spines, but he had no wings. He looked at them with large eyes, full of tears.

"Is there something wrong?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Who knows?" Gabby asked. "Who knows what sad thoughts tiptoe through his mind. But don't worry. I know how to cheer him up. Spike, tell this young lady about yourself."

"She's come to the right person for that," said the Mock Dragon. "Sit down, both of you."

They sat down.

"Once," the Mock Dragon began, with a deep sigh, "I was a real Dragon. I was a real Dragon!"

These words were followed by the very long, and very heaving sobbing of the Mock Dragon.

"Thank you for that very interesting story, sir," Sweetie Belle said as she got up.

"I haven't started yet!" he shouted.

"Stay," said Gabby. "You may learn something. You must have learned a lot since you've been down here?"

"Yes, I have," she said as she sat again.

"When Gabby and I were little," the Mock Dragon went on, calm again, "we went to school in the sea. And the master was an old Turtle—we used to call him 'Tortoise'—"

"Why would you call him 'Tortoise,' if he wasn't one?" Sweetie Belle interrupted.

"We called him 'Tortoise' because he 'taught us,'" said the Mock Dragon angrily.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself, asking a silly question like that," added Gabby.

Before Sweetie Belle could apologize, the Mock Dragon went on.

"He taught us Reeling and Writhing, and the basic fundamentals of Arithmetic—Ambition, Distraction, Qualification, Uglification, and Derision. We also learned Drawling. The Drawling Master was an old conger-eel. He taught us Drawling, Stretching and Fainting in Coils,"

"What was _that_ like?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Well, I can't show it to you myself," the Mock Dragon said. "I'm too stiff. And Gabriella, here, never learned it, did you, Gabby?"

"I didn't have time," Gabby replied. "I went to the Classical master, though. What an old crab he was. Tell her about the games!"

The Mock Dragon sighed deeply, and said, "You may never have lived in the sea so you've probably never been introduced to a lobster."

"No. Never," Sweetie Belle replied.

"So, you have never seen a Lobster Quadrille then?"

"No, what sort of dance is that?"

"This will give you some idea what it looks like," the Mock Dragon told her. "First, you have to clear away all of the jellyfish."

"That generally takes some time," interrupted Gabby.

"Trust me, you do not want to dance on top of a jellyfish! You have a line of dancers—two lines!" the Mock Dragon cried.

"Seals, turtles, salmon, cod, stake. Whoever's available," said Gabby.

"And each one has a lobster as a partner!" cried the Mock Dragon. "You can't forget about the lobsters!"

"Then you advance twice, set to partners, change lobsters, and retire in the same order," continued Gabby.

"Then, you throw the lobsters into the air!" shouted the Mock Dragon at the top of his voice.

"As high as you can!" added Gabby, suddenly dropping her voice. "Turn a somersault, then you change lobsters again."

"And that, little girl, is the first figure of the dance," said the Mock Dragon.

"It's a beautiful dance," Sweetie Belle said.

"Oh, it is!" Gabby replied. "And it costs a pretty penny."

"And a few ugly ones, too," added the Mock Dragon. "Would you like to dance?" he asked Sweetie Belle.

"Oh, very much indeed,"

So, she began dancing around, being careful to not tread on each other's toes, and as they danced, the Mock Dragon sang in a very light and airy tone.

 _"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail,_

 _"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail._

 _See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!_

 _They are waiting on the shingle – will you come and join the dance?_

 _Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, join the dance?_

 _Will you, won't you, will you, won't you join the dance?"_

"Thank you," Sweetie Belle said, feeling very happy that she _had_ joined the dance, and sad that it was now over. "That was delightful."

"And no wise fish would ever go anywhere without a porpoise," said the Mock Dragon.

"It wouldn't?" asked Sweetie Belle, in a tone of surprise.

"Of course not. Why, if a fish came up to me and said that he was going on a journey, I would say, 'with what porpoise?'"

This earned a smile from Sweetie Belle.

"So, you like performing then?" he asked her.

"No. I hate it,"

"Oh, you mustn't. It's such fun! I should like to hear you try and repeat something now,"

"Repeat ' _Tis the voice of the sluggard,'_ " said Gabby.

"She doesn't know that," said the Mock Dragon to the Griffon.

"I do!"

"Recite it then," said Gabby.

Sweetie Belle didn't feel encouraged to recite any more poetry, having (since the beginning of her adventure) gotten the words of several poems coming out all different, but she did anyway.

 _'Tis the voice of the Lobster, I heard him declare,_

 _"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."_

 _As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose_

 _Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes._

There was a moment of silence, and it was broken by the Mock Dragon saying, "You got it wrong."

"I keep getting things wrong today," Sweetie Belle said quietly.

"I think you'd better sing 'Turtle Soup' instead," Gabby suggested to the Mock Dragon.

"You don't have to ask me twice," he said.

"He'll sing at the drop of a hat," Gabby told Sweetie Belle.

"I don't have a hat, but if I did, and I dropped it, I'd sing before it touched the ground,"

"You're in for a treat," Gabby told her.

 _Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,_

 _Waiting in a hot tureen!_

 _Who for such dainties would not stoop?_

 _Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!_

 _Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!_

 _Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!_

 _Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!_

 _Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,_

 _Beautiful Soup!_

 _Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,_

 _Game, or any other dish!_

 _Who would not give all else for two_

 _Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?_

 _Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!_

 _Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!_

 _Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,_

 _Beautiful Soup!_

"And now, my dear, I think you're ready to find your way," the Mock Dragon told Sweetie Belle.

"Toodles for now!" Gabby said. "One more chorus!" she cried.

And she and the Mock Dragon began to repeat when Sweetie Belle thanked them and walked further into the maze.


	11. Daydream Shimmer VS Midnight Sparkle

After a while, the hedge maze seemed to gradually die away, till all was dead silence, and Sweetie Belle looked around in alarm. There was no one to be seen, and her first thought was that she must have gotten lost.

Suddenly, a woman dressed in midnight violet armor, with wisps of smoke that hung about her eyes (which formed something like the shape of a mask), and dark, feathered wings protruding from her upper back, came flying down upon her, blasting bolts of sparkling magic from her hands.

Just before she reached Sweetie Belle, she stopped suddenly and she and Sweetie Belle turned and saw another flying sorceress.

This one had gold and scarlet hair that shimmered like the sunset. She wore a pink and white gown and the flames around her seemed to form a pair of wings like those of a phoenix.

She stood between Sweetie Belle and the other magic-wielder.

Sweetie Belle couldn't believe what she was seeing. Granted, she had seen _a lot_ of strange things since she had fallen down that rabbit hole, but this was even stranger. Two magic wielders, one dark and one light. One a nightmare, the other a shimmering daydream.

The two enchantresses looked at each other for some time without speaking and Sweetie Belle looked from one to the other in bewilderment.

"She's _my_ prisoner!" the dark one, Midnight Sparkle, shouted at last.

"And I am here to protect her!" the fiery one, Daydream Shimmer, replied.

"Well, we'll have to fight for her, then!" said Midnight Sparkle.

"You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course!" Daydream Shimmer remarked.

"I always do!" Midnight Sparkle said.

And they began firing away at each other with such fury that Sweetie Belle hid behind a tree to be out of the way of the magic bolts.

She timidly peeped out from her hiding place to watch the battle.

Fireballs flew this way and that, blasting trees apart or sinking into the ground around them, until finally, the two sorceresses' magics connected and blasted them both back, and the battle ended with both ladies falling from the sky and landing side by side.

When they sat up, they spoke to one another.

"You're a worthy opponent," Daydream told Midnight.

"Another day, perhaps?" Midnight asked.

"Another day," Daydream replied.

They shook hands and Midnight Sparkle flapped her wings and flew off. Sweetie Belle came out of hiding and approached Daydream Shimmer.

"Thank you very much," she said.

"That was a glorious victory, wasn't it?" Daydream Shimmer asked as she got to her feet.

As Daydream Shimmer turned her gentle face and large eyes to Sweetie Belle, Sweetie Belle thought she had never seen such a lovely-looking sorceress in all her life. She was as lovely as Princess Cadence, maybe even lovelier.

She was dressed in transparent white cloth, which seemed to highlight every supple, feminine curve, and she had a queer-shaped little bag fastened across her shoulders, upside-down, and with the lid hanging open.

Sweetie Belle looked at it with great curiosity.

"I see you're admiring my little bag," Daydream Shimmer said in a friendly tone. "It's my own invention—to keep clothes and sandwiches in. You see, I carry it upside-down, so that they don't get wet when it rains."

"But they can drop _out,_ " Sweetie Belle gently remarked. "The lid is open."

"So, that's what happened to them," Daydream Shimmer said, a shade of vexation passing over her face.

She unfastened it when she spoke, and was about to throw it into the bushes, when a sudden thought crossed her mind. And she hung it carefully on a tree.

"Do you know why I did that?" she asked Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle shook her head.

"It's now a bee's nest. I should be getting some honey very soon,"

"But you already have a beehive," Sweetie Belle said, noticing it fastened to Daydream Shimmer's belt.

"Oh, one of the best," Daydream Shimmer said in a discontented tone. "But the bees won't come near it. Same with this. It's a better mousetrap. Come to think of it, I shouldn't be surprised if the mice don't keep the bees out—or the bees keep the mice out. One or the other."

"But why would you need a mousetrap?" Sweetie Belle asked (she had been wondering what it was for). "One does not usually find very many mice running around on their body."

"Not very likely, perhaps, but if they _do_ come, I would be protected." said Daydream Shimmer. "I hope you've got your hair fastened on tight," she added after a long pause.

"Only in the usual way," she replied.

"That's not good enough," Daydream Shimmer said. "The wind is as strong as soup around here. You must be ready for anything. Then nothing can frighten you."

Sweetie Belle was a little startled by the fact that Daydream Shimmer seemed to float through the air as she walked along.

"How can you go on talking while you're like that? Floating through the air?" she asked.

Daydream Shimmer looked surprised at the question.

"What does it matter where my body happens to be?" she replied. "My mind goes on working just the same. It's a hive of activity. Ideas. In fact, the more I levitate, the more I keep inventing new things. The cleverest thing I ever invented I thought of with my head in the clouds."

"And what was that?"

"A new pudding... Come to think of it, I don't believe that pudding was ever cooked,"

"Why? What was it made of?"

"It began with bread," Daydream Shimmer answered. "It was a bread pudding."

"That wouldn't have been very nice,"

"Not very nice _alone,_ " Daydream said eagerly, "but mixing it with other things, like almonds and ice cream... You have no idea what a difference it makes."

Sweetie Belle smiled.

"And now, here I must leave you," Daydream Shimmer said as they came to the end of the wood. "I still have friends to make and enemies to defeat. You look worried. You're too young to worry. Look at me, I don't worry."

"I was just thinking about all the things I have to do when I get home. I don't want to, but I think I should,"

"Just be brave. Keep your balance and always get back on your horse," Daydream Shimmer told her.

She kissed Sweetie Belle's forehead and then flew slowly away, back into the forest.

"Goodbye!" she called back down to her. "Just be brave!"

"Thank you," Sweetie Belle whispered.


	12. The Flimflam Brothers

Sweetie Belle wandered on until she came upon two tall, thin men with red hair, and dressed in white pants and striped vests.

They were standing so still that she thought they weren't alive.

And Sweetie Belle knew which was which because one of them had "Flim" embroidered on his lapel pin (which was shaped like part of an apple) and the other had "Flam". And one of them had a mustache and the other didn't.

"Look. We're standing still as waxworks," said the first one, Flim.

"And if you think we're waxworks," said Flam, the one with the mustache, "you should pay for the privilege of looking, you know. Waxworks weren't made to be looked at for nothing."

"No-how!" they both said.

"Contrariwise," added Flim, "if you think we're alive, you ought to speak to us. Or at the very least, allow us to introduce ourselves."

"That's logic," they both said.

"I'm sorry," Sweetie Belle apologized.

"He's Flim," said Flam.

"He's Flam," said Flim.

"We're the world-famous Flimflam Brothers," they both said.

"It was nice meeting you. Goodbye,"

And she walked on between them.

"Does the name Brush Stroke mean anything to you?" Flam asked.

"No, who is that?"

"I don't know," Flim replied, "but we're obviously doing her a favor mentioning her. Do you think she'll be grateful if she becomes famous?"

"No-how!" they both said.

She turned around to face them again.

"I was just thinking of a poem of you two," she said.

 _Brothers Flim and Flam_

 _Agreed to have a battle;_

 _For brother Flam said his brother Flim_

 _Had spoiled his nice new rattle._

 _Just then flew down a monstrous crow,_

 _As black as a tar barrel;_

 _Which frightened both the brothers so,_

 _They quite forgot their quarrel._

The brothers looked at each other and smiled.

"There's no monstrous crow!" Flim laughed.

"You recited that poem very nicely," Flam said. "Congratulations, but it isn't us."

"No-how!" they said.

"It's another set of Flimflam Brothers altogether," said Flam. "Completely different."

"Contrariwise, you began all wrong," said Flim.

"Yes, yes," added Flam. "Right after we introduced ourselves, you should have told us your name. That's the first thing you do in a visit: you say, 'How do you do?' and shake hands!"

The two brothers gave each other a hug and then they held out two hands that were free, to shake hands with her.

Sweetie Belle did not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurting the other one's feelings; so, as the best way out of the difficulty, she took hold of both hands at once. The next moment, they were dancing in a ring and singing _"Here we go 'round the mulberry bush"_. This seemed quite natural (she remembered afterwards), and she was not even surprised to hear music playing.

Then they let go of Sweetie Belle's hands and stood looking at her for a moment.

"That's manners!" they said.

"Well, my name is Sweetie Belle," she said, somewhat politely.

"As we began with poetry and song," Flim went on, "let's continue that way."

"I'm sorry, but I haven't the time,"

She turned around and was about to walk off, only to find that somehow the twins had reappeared in front of her again.

"Neither have we," Flam replied. "We never carry a watch."

"The poem's called, 'The Witch and the Magician,'" said Flim.

"You'll love it," said Flam.

They reached behind their backs and produced a diorama that looked like a theater stage, and they placed it on a rock between them.

"You start, brother mine," said Flam.

Flim cleared his throat and began.

"The Sun was shining on the sea..."

 _The Sun was shining on the sea,_

 _Shining with all his might:_

 _He did his very best to make_

 _The billows smooth and bright—_

 _And this was odd, because it was_

 _The middle of the night._

 _The Witch and the Magician_

 _Were walking close at hand:_

 _They wept like anything to see_

 _Such quantities of sand:_

 _'If this were only cleared away,'_

 _They said, 'it really_ would _be grand!'_

 _'If seven maids with seven mops_

 _Swept for half a year,_

 _Do you suppose," the Witch said._

 _"That they could get it clear?'_

 _'I doubt it very much,' said the Magician._

 _And she shed a bitter tear._

 _'Oh, Oysters, will you walk with us?'_

 _The Witch did beseech._

 _'A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk_

 _Along the briny beach?'_

 _'But we cannot do with more than four,_

 _To give a hand to each.'_

 _The oldest oyster looked at her,_

 _But never a word he said:_

 _Meaning to say he did not choose_

 _To leave the oyster bed._

 _But four young oysters hurried up._

 _All eager for the treat:_

 _Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,_

 _Their shoes were clean and neat._

 _And this was odd._

"And why was that?" Sweetie Bell asked.

"Because they hadn't any feet," Flam replied.

 _'The time has come,' the Witch said,_

 _'To talk of many things.:_

 _Of shoes – and ships – and sealing wax –_

 _Of cabbages – and kings –_

 _And why the sea is boiling hot –_

 _And whether pigs have wings.'_

 _'But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried,_

 _'Before we have our chat;_

 _For some of us are out of breath,_

 _And all of us are fat!'_

 _'There really is no hurry!' said the Magician._

 _They thanked him very much for that._

 _'A slice of bread,' the Magician said._

 _'Is what we chiefly need:_

 _Pepper and vinegar besides_

 _Are very good indeed –_

 _Now, if you're ready, Oysters dear,_

 _We can begin to feed.'_

 _'But not on us!' the Oysters cried,_

 _Turning a little blue._

 _'After such kindness, that would be_

 _A dismal thing to do!'_

 _'Yes. It was so kind of you to come!_

 _And you are very nice!'_

 _The Witch said nothing but_

 _'Give us another slice._

 _I wish you were not quite so deaf –_

 _I've had to ask you twice!'_

 _'It seems a shame,' the Witch said,_

 _'I must confess, to play them such a trick._

 _After we've brought them so far,_

 _And made them trot so quick!'_

 _And the Magician said, 'Look at this!_

 _Look at this! The butter's spread too thick!'_

 _'I weep for you,' the Witch said:_

 _'I deeply sympathize.'_

 _With sobs and tears she sorted out_

 _Those of the largest size._

 _Holder her handkerchief_

 _Before her streaming eyes._

 _'Oh, Oysters,' said the Magician,_

 _'You've had a pleasant run!_

 _Shall we be trotting home again?'_

 _But answer came there none –_

 _And this was scarcely odd, because_

 _They'd eaten every one._

And the curtain went down and the diorama disappeared.

"So, what's the verdict?" Flam asked Sweetie Belle.

"I like the Witch best," she said, "because she was a _little_ sorry for what she'd done."

"She ate more than the Magician," Flim said.

"Then I like the Magician best—if she didn't get so many as the Witch,"

"She ate as many as she could get," Flam said.

"Then they're both very nasty characters,"

Suddenly, she heard something that sounded like the puffing of a large steam-engine, though she feared it was more likely to be a wild beast.

"Is that a Manticore or a Chimera?" she asked timidly.

"Worse!" said Flim. "It's Lord Tirek snoring."

"King Scorpan's no-good brother," added Flam. "Every family has one. Except ours."

"We've got two!" they both said.

And they all went up to where the demonic Centaur was sleeping.

He was lying crumpled up into a sort of untidy heap.

"He'll catch a cold lying there," said Sweetie Belle.

"Oh, he won't mind," said Flim. "He's dreaming about you."

"Yes, if he woke up now, you'd go out just like a candle," added Flam.

"I would not!" Sweetie Belle said indignantly. "Besides, if _I'm_ only a dream, then what are you two?"

When the brothers had no answer, Sweetie Belle turned. And when she was about to leave, Flam shouted, "What is _that?_ "

He pointed with a trembling finger at a small thing lying under a tree.

"It's only a rattle," Sweetie Belle said, after she had picked it up and started examining it.

"You left it lying in the grass!" Flam shouted at Flim.

"It looks a bit battered," Sweetie Belle said.

"It's spoilt!" Flam cried.

"Don't get upset about an old rattle," she told him.

"Old? It isn't old!" Flam shouted in a greater fury than ever. "I bought it yesterday – it's brand-spanking _new!_ "

And he threw it into the mud.

"There's only one thing for it!" Flam declared. "We have to fight! For the honor of the Brothers!"

All this time, Flim was trying to hide behind a tree. And when he heard his brother declare that they must battle, he marched out from his hiding place.

"Right. Flam Scam versus the superior Flim Skim," Flim said. "Frankly, it's a bit one-sided. Only... _she_ must help us dress for it. Armor to protect our _vital_ parts."

So, the two brothers went off into the wood, and returned in a minute with their arms full of things – bolsters, blankets, hearth-rugs, tablecloths, dish covers, and a hat rack.

"Whatever the outcome, dear brother," said Flam, "I shall remember you in my will. No money, of course, but I shall write 'I will remember you, Flim.'"

"I appreciate the thought, but I'd rather have the cash, _Flam!_ " Flim replied.

"Do I look pale?" Flam asked, coming up to have his helmet tied on (He called it a helmet, but it looked more like a saucepan).

"A little," she admitted gently.

"Generally, I'm very brave," he went on in a loud voice. "Only today I have a headache."

"And _I've_ got a toothache!" said Flim, who had overheard the remark.

"You'd better not fight today, then," said Sweetie Belle, in a final effort to make peace.

"We must have _a bit_ of a fight," Flam said. "It's expected."

"And all of this over a rattle?" Sweetie Belle asked, still hoping to make them a _little_ ashamed of fighting over something so petty.

"I wouldn't have minded it," said Flam. "But it was brand-new!"

It was getting dark so suddenly that Sweetie Belle thought there must be a thunderstorm coming.

"It's the crow!" Flam shouted out in a shrill voice of alarm. "The monstrous crow!"

And the two brothers took to their heels and were out of sight.

Sweetie Belle ran into the wood and tripped over a large tree root.

She looked up and saw two Changeling guards standing over her.

"Sweetie Belle," one of them said, "you are hereby and forthwith summoned to attend the trial of Thorax, the Knave of the Changelings."


	13. Thorax's Trial

King Sombra and Queen Chrysalis were seated on their thrones when the guards arrived with Sweetie Belle. A great crowd had assembled—all sorts of characters, as well as the whole Changeling kingdom.

Thorax was standing before them, in the middle of the courtroom, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near King Sombra (who was playing the part of the judge) was Angel Bunny, with a trumpet in one hand and a scroll of parchment in the other.

"How do I look?" Sombra asked Chrysalis.

"Too early to say," she replied.

Sweetie Belle had never seen a courtroom before, but she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everyone there.

She joined the audience and took a seat between Gabby and Princess Cadence.

She looked across the court at the jury box and saw that the twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.

"What are they doing?" Sweetie Belle whispered to Princess Cadence. "They can't have anything to write down. The trial hasn't even started yet."

"They're putting down their own names," Cadence whispered in reply, "in case they forget them by the time the trial's over."

"Stupid things!" Sweetie Belle said in an indignant whisper.

"Stupid," said one of the jurors. "How do you spell 'stupid'?" he asked his neighbor.

(Yes, he didn't know how to spell "stupid.")

"S-T-What's after 'T'?" asked another juror.

"Dinner! Is it dinnertime? It's dinner time!"

"No, it isn't!"

"I was sure it was dinnertime. My stomach feels like my throat's been cut..."

"Silence in the Court!" Angel Bunny cried out.

When the chatter would not cease, Sombra rose from his throne, and said in a booming voice, "Silence!"

And the jurors became silent.

"I'm not going to be called, am I?" Sweetie Belle asked Cadence.

"Called what?" Lyra Heartstrings asked.

"I don't want to stand up in front of all these people. Why am I here?"

"To save Thorax from a death worse than fate," Cadence replied.

"Herald of the Court, read the accusation!" King Sombra commanded.

Angel Bunny unrolled the parchment scroll and read as follows:

 _The Changeling Queen,_

 _She broke some hearts,_

 _All on a summer day._

 _The Knave, Thorax,_

 _He stole those hearts,_

 _And healed them, right away!_

"I confess!" Thorax shouted. "I didn't do it! And I'm glad, glad, glad I didn't do it! And if I had my time again, I probably still wouldn't do it."

"An open and shut case," said Queen Chrysalis.

"That can't be right," Sweetie Belle said.

"Did you say something?" King Sombra asked.

"No, Your Majesty,"

"Members of the jury, consider your verdict," King Sombra said.

"Not yet!" Angel Bunny interrupted.

"And why not?" King Sombra asked.

"There's a great deal more to come before you can say that!"

"That's odd," said Chrysalis. "Not to say strange."

Pharynx stood up and addressed the court.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it's obvious the accused is guilty," he said. "Put aside the evidence and look at his face... It is the face of a habitual criminal. A hardened felon, a recalcitrant rogue!"

Another Changeling, Cornicle by name, cleared her throat and Pharynx shouted, "What is it?"

"We're lawyers for the defense!" she said.

"Oh! I, err... rest my case," Pharynx finished.

"Call the first witness," said King Sombra.

"Call the first witness!" Angel Bunny called out.

The Changeling guards repeated this half a dozen times before the witness actually appeared.

It was the Pink Hatter.

She came running in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of chocolate cake in the other.

"Good day," she told the Queen.

"Good day," the Queen replied.

"Snap!" the Hatter exclaimed. "I beg pardon, Your Majesties, for bringing these in; but I hadn't quite finished my party when I was sent for."

"She never finishes her parties," Sweetie Belle whispered to Cadence.

"It isn't healthy, all that cake," Cadence said. "Look at her buns!"

"I can't,"

"That's what she means," said another member of the audience. "She's got a case of 'the buns.' Some of the worst I've ever seen. And I've seen a few in my time."

"You're a fine one to talk, Sun-butt!" the Hatter retorted.

"You ought to have finished," said King Sombra. "When did you begin?"

"I'll have to ask Mr. Sandwich,"

"Send for him!" Sombra shouted.

The Hatter looked to her left at Cheese Sandwich, who had suddenly appeared in the witness box, arm-in-arm with Gummy.

"I hadn't finished my sentence," Sombra whispered to Chrysalis.

"You haven't passed one yet, Your Majesty," Cheese Sandwich said.

"Oh, that's right," Sombra replied.

"When did we start the party?" Pinkie asked Cheese. "The fourteenth of March, I _think_ it was. Wasn't it?"

"No, the fifteenth," Cheese Sandwich replied.

"Sixteenth," said Gummy.

"Write that down," Sombra growled to the jury. "Fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen."

The jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates.

"Now, add, subtract, multiply, divide, and convert to pounds and ounces," Sombra told them. "What's the answer?"

"They're slow," Chrysalis told him.

"They should be able to do it in their heads," he replied.

"Off with them,"

Sombra looked back at the Pink Hatter.

"That hat!" he shouted. "Take it off!"

"What?" Pinkie asked.

"Disrespect of this Court! Take off your hat!"

"And her head with it," added Queen Chrysalis.

"I can't, Your Honor," said the Hatter.

"Why can't you take it off, pray?" Sombra inquired.

"It isn't mine,"

"Stolen!" King Sombra exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact. "Stolen hat, one. This woman is a self-confessed thief! And she has the gall to come into this court as a character witness!"

"Sombra seems very prejudiced," Sweetie Belle whispered.

"Why, thank you," Sombra told her. "Aside from being a pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant, it's really the only thing that makes me eminently qualified to be a judge."

Queen Chrysalis began staring hard at the Pink Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.

"Don't I know you?" she asked Pinkie.

"I keep them to sell," the Pink Hatter added as an explanation. "I sell hats. I've none of my own. I'm a hatter."

"Then why didn't you say so?" Sombra asked. "That's the first thing you should have said. Now. Give your evidence, and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot!"

This did not help the witness at all. She kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen of the Changelings, and in her confusion, she bit a large piece out of her teacup instead of the cake.

"I'm not nervous. I've nothing to hide. Done my duty, served my country,"

All this time, the Queen had never stopped staring at the Hatter, and sneered, "I do know you!"

"Hatter! Your evidence!" Sombra repeated angrily. "Or I'll have you executed, whether you are nervous or not!"

"He's just making it worse," Sweetie Belle told Gabby. "Stay calm, Pinkie Pie!"

"I'm a poor woman, Your Majesty," the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, "and I haven't had my tea—and what with the sandwiches getting ruined after being eaten once, the cake getting so thin—and the twinkling of the teacups—"

" _Twinkling?_ " Sombra repeated.

"You're the 'Twinkler'!" Chrysalis shouted. "I remember you now! You sang at my last concert! 'Twinkle, twinkle, little...'"

Then Cheese Sandwich picked up his accordion and started playing while Pinkie sang.

" _Twinkle, twinkle little gnat. How I wonder what you're at. You are very small indeed, you can vanish up my sleeve. Up my sleeve, up my sleeve. You can vanish up my sleeve!_ "

And the courtroom burst into thunderous applause.

"We don't do encores," Pinkie said.

"But we're available for birthdays, weddings and funerals," Cheese Sandwich added.

"You did sing at my concert. But this was even worse!" Chrysalis shouted.

"I've been practicing," the Hatter replied.

"It's an offense against all we hold dear! Sombra, this pink airhead ruined my concert just as she's ruining your trial!"

"Sire, I'm a poor woman," the Hatter repeated. "I stand before you full of remorse and malnutrition. When Mr. Cheese Sandwich said—"

"I did not!" Cheese Sandwich interrupted in a great hurry.

"You did!" said the Pink Hatter.

"I deny it!"

"He denies it," said King Sombra. "Leave out that part!"

"I object!" the Pink Hatter shouted.

"Objection denied!" Sombra yelled.

"Ask Gummy," the Pink Hatter said.

"Ask Gummy what?" Sombra asked.

"I can't remember," the Pink Hatter replied.

"You _must_ remember," Sombra remarked, "or I'll have you executed."

"Stand your ground, Pinkie!" Sweetie Belle shouted.

The Pink Hatter miserably put down her teacup and her cake and dropped to one knee.

"I'm a very poor woman, Your Majesty!" she cried.

"And an even poorer actress!" Sombra shouted.

At this, one off the jurors cheered.

"Suppress that cheering!" Sombra shouted.

And the juror was removed by the bailiff.

"If that's all you know, you may stand down," Sombra told the Hatter.

"Well, I can't get down any lower, I'm on the floor as it is," she replied.

"Then you may _go,_ " Sombra continued.

"Would you like another chorus of 'Twinkle'?"

"GO!" Chrysalis screamed.

And she and Cheese Sandwich hurriedly left the court.

"Take her head off outside!" she added to one of the officers.

But the Hatter was gone before the officer could get to the door.

"Call the next witness!" Sombra shouted.

"What about me?" Thorax interjected.

"What about you?" Angel Bunny asked him.

"I'm the accused! All you do is call witnesses! It's not fair. I should have the most important part here. I haven't had a word for paragraphs and paragraphs..."

"What did you want to say?" Chrysalis asked.

"I'd just like you to know that I have no need to steal," he replied. "I'm independently wealthy. I have all the money and love I need for the rest of my life."

"Thorax is an idiot," Chrysalis whispered to Sombra.

"He's your offspring!" he whispered back.

The next witnesses arrived and Sweetie Belle could guess who they were even before they even entered the court. The guards near the door began sneezing all at once.

"My cooks!" Cadence exclaimed. "How dare they!"

One of them was carrying the pepper shaker in her hand, hence all the sneezing guards in the hall.

She and her husband (the other cook) ascended to the witness box and she firmly slammed her pepper shaker on the table in front of them.

"Give your evidence," said Sombra.

"Shan't!" the female cook replied.

"'Shan't'?" Sombra echoed.

"Shan't!" she repeated. "Shan't!"

Sombra looked anxiously at Angel Bunny and asked, "What now?"

"Your Majesty must cross-examine the witness," he said.

"Well, if I must, I must," Sombra said. "What are the tarts made of?" he asked in his normal, deep voice.

"Pepper, mostly," said the cook.

"Treacle," said a sleepy voice from the jury box.

"What did he say?" Sombra asked.

"Treacle," it repeated.

"Collar that Alligator!" Chrysalis shrieked. "He's no right to be here! Off with his teeth!"

The court was in confusion for a minute, and by the time they had settled down again, the cooks had disappeared.

"Call the next witness!" Sombra shouted.

Angel Bunny cried out, at the top of his shrill little voice, "Sweetie Belle!"


	14. Sweetie Belle Takes a Stand

Sweetie Belle slowly stood up and, after eating a bit of mushroom that she had taken from her apron pocket, grew so tall that she knocked over the evidence table and scared the jury.

As soon as they had recovered from the shock of this, Sweetie Belle apologized for her sudden "growth spurt."

"What's the matter, Sweetie Belle?" Sombra asked.

"I don't like being called up here like this," she replied.

"I should like it if it happened to _me_ ," Chrysalis said.

" _Yes_ , most people like being the center of attention," Sombra added. "Now, what do you know about this business with Thorax?" he asked, staring hard at her as he did.

"Nothing whatsoever," replied she.

"That's very important," Sombra said to the jury.

The jurors were beginning to write that down on their slates, when Angel Bunny interrupted them.

" _Unimportant,_ Your Majesty," he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at Sombra as he spoke.

" _Un_ important, of course, that's what I meant to say," Sombra said hastily, and went on to himself in an undertone, "important – unimportant – important – unimportant—"

"I've told you all I know," Sweetie Bell interrupted him. "I'd like to go back to my seat now."

"I am moved by your plea," Sombra told her. "But I am reminded of Rule Forty-Two: _All persons more than a mile high have to leave Wonderland._ "

"I am not a mile high!" Sweetie Belle said.

"You _are,_ " said Sombra.

"More like _two_ miles high," added Chrysalis.

"You just made that up!" Sweetie Belle protested.

"It's the oldest rule in the book!" Sombra exclaimed.

"Then it should be Rule Number One," Sweetie Belle quickly countered.

"Careful, Sombra," Chrysalis whispered to him. "They're taking over the court. _Especially that girl!_ " she pointed at Sweetie Belle. "Punish somebody."

"You have too much to say to yourself," Sombra said to Sweetie Belle. And he turned to the jury and said, "Consider your verdict."

"No!" Chrysalis screamed furiously. "Sentence first! Verdict, after!"

"That's stupid!" Sweetie Belle stated.

"Hold your tongue!" said Chrysalis, turning pale.

"I won't! I can't let you condemn an innocent man!"

"Why not?" Sombra challenged. "It happens all the time."

"Off with her—!" Chrysalis began to shout again.

"Oh, stop shouting 'off with her head', unless someone shouts, 'off with yours!'" Sweetie Belle told her.

"You've lost your last chance of staying here!" Sombra roared. "It's back to the real world for you, young lady!"

"I don't care! All the hearts are here," she said, pointing to the evidence (which had fallen to the floor), "so how could the prisoner have stolen them? As far as I see, there is no crime."

Nobody moved. Nobody said anything.

And then Angel Bunny spoke.

"Sweetie Belle. Don't you care what people think?" he asked her.

"Not when I know that I'm right," she said after she had turned to look at him.

"Are you so confident, young lady?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," she replied. "Yes, I am confident."

It was then that Sweetie Belle realized what was going on.

Angel had deliberately lured her into Wonderland to help her conquer her fears. That had been his plan all along. And he had succeeded.

"Then you don't need us anymore," he said.

At this, the whole courtroom seemed to crumble around Sweetie Belle. The wind whipped, and storm clouds swirled all around her, and when she opened her eyes again, she was back home.

* * *

Sweetie Belle woke up and found herself lying with her head against a tree at Sweet Apple Acres.

And there was Winona, standing in front of her. Suddenly, Sweetie Belle could hear the voices of her friends and parents calling for her.

"I'm coming!" she shouted.

Sweetie Belle got up and ran back to town with Winona close behind.

They returned to Carousel Boutique and Sweetie Belle's father stood before the crowd.

"And now, our daughter is going to sing for us," he said.

And he joined his wife and Rarity.

Sweetie Belle stood on the front step of her sister's shop and looked out at the group before her.

Left to right were Mr. and Mrs. Cake and their children, then Doc Time Turner and Derpy. Lyra and Sweetie Drops sat close together, as did Vinyl and Octavia.

Sunset Shimmer sat with the Apple Family, with Spike squeezed between her and Applejack; and Apple Bloom sat at his feet. Scootaloo sat with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, who sat with their parents, and Angel Bunny sat on Fluttershy's lap.

Shining Armor sat close to Cadence, and Flurry Heart was sitting in her lap, with Shining's parents close by. Cheese Sandwich sat with Pinkie Pie, who was holding her stuffed alligator plushie, Gummy, very close; while her three sisters sat with her parents. Gabby and Lady Ember had joined King Thorax and Discord, while Trixie and Starlight Glimmer sat left and right of Sunburst; and Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Twilight Sparkle shared a sofa, front and center.

"Have you chosen a song, dear sister?" Rarity asked.

Sweetie Belle didn't answer. She kept looking out at the crowd. And as she looked, she felt her fears slowly coming back.

Doc Time Turner and Derpy gave her puzzled looks, while Princess Luna raised a quizzical eyebrow; and Fluttershy and Princess Cadence looked worried and concerned.

Then Sweetie Belle looked at Shining Armor, Sunset Shimmer and Spike; and as she did, the more she thought back to their counterparts in her dream. And she remembered what each of them had taught her:

" _You mustn't be afraid."_

 _"Just be brave."_

 _"Have fun."_

And her fears quickly left her.

She nodded to Rarity and said, " _'Will You Walk a Little Faster' said a Whiting to a Snail,_ also known as _The Lobster Quadrille_ ,"

"Are you sure?" Rarity asked.

"Very sure," she stated.

 _"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail,_

 _"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail._

 _See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!_

 _They are waiting on the shingle – will you come and join the dance?_

 _Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, join the dance?_

 _Will you, won't you, will you, won't you join the dance?"_

And when she finished, the entire audience gave her a standing ovation.

Upon hearing their applause, Sweetie Belle looked out over the crowd, her family and friends, and smiled.


End file.
